Ronin - S02E05.3 Interlude Aside - Big Talks, Little Else

[Ian Dugan]

Once they got into the room, Ian found he really didn't know what to say.  He sat on the bed, back against the wall, to keep his leg straight so it wouldn't hurt as much.  He looked over to Abe, his mouth moved several times in the couple of minutes they were in the room, but no sound, let alone, words came out.

Finally, he stopped trying and pursed his lips into a fine line.

"I have a son.  My pilot, at the time, and I got involved.  She then became my XO until we broke it off and she got a ship of her own.  I dont see him very much."

He paused, still gathering his thoughts.

"I was gonna get married once.  She was crew.  She was taken and I haven't found her, though I tried.  Almost the Glory then."

A sardonic look crossed his features.

"Now I have lost the Glory and instead of finding Beth, I've found you."

[Abenette Kelker]

***Sorry about the length.  She had a lot to say and no way to split it up in two posts easily.***

Things were a little tense as they walked back to their quarters and when they arrived, Ian sat on their bed while she sat on the floor nearby facing him.

It didn't change once they got comfy.  Ian looked like he was about to talk several times, but never did.  Had he changed his mind?  Did he expect her to start?  Several minutes passed before he finally said anything.

"I have a son.  My pilot, at the time, and I got involved.  She then became my XO until we broke it off and she got a ship of her own.  I dont see him very much."

She had heard on her short time on the Glory that he had a son.  Obviously he didn't know that she knew.

"I knew that.  I got family that I don't see all that often either.  Could care less about my hun dan of a father, but my brothers?  Well the're different.  Not like a kid, but I love them nonetheless."

Then he continued.

"I was gonna get married once.  She was crew.  She was taken and I haven't found her, though I tried.  Almost the Glory then."

So he had a relationship or two with crew.  But taken?  By who?

"I carried on with the Captain of my first ship.  He was actually the one who took my virginity.  It was fairly long term, but didn't end well.  People started makin' fun of him because I looked so young," she told him with the shrug of his shoulders.  "Your fiancée was taken?  That's... horrific."

She didn't press for details.  He'd tell her when or if he wanted.  She figured that if someone wanted to talk about a subject, they'd bring it up for discussion themselves without an inquisition.  This didn't feel like a discussion thing.  This felt like he was imparting information only.

"Now I have lost the Glory and instead of finding Beth, I've found you."

He had smiled when he said that, but it seemed almost sad or bitter.

"Yes, ya did," she acknowledged quietly.

She had to think about how she felt about him.  She had to give him an idea on if she even wanted to pursue it.  Suddenly, she knew what she felt like too.  She moved closer to him so she was kneeling next to him by the bed.

"I won't deny it, I've wondered more than a few times what it would be like if we took the sleepin' arrangement a little further.  I am not used to emotional entanglements.  It didn't work for me when it came to ship board relations.  Don't worry, I ain't a prude or some overly celibate kind of girl.  A roll in the hay every now and again is welcome as long as no one got emotional about it.  That's how it was with Syrus while we were on Glory," she revealed.  "But I think we crossed that emotional line a long time ago.  We sleep together.  In the beginnin', it was out of necessity.  Now it is by choice.  And realistically, we've slept together before with not a lot of clothin' on.  Those are the times when I let my little fantasies wander around my noggin' for any extended amount of time.  You're quite pleasin' to the eyes, Capt'n."

She wasn't sure if he knew about her little tryst with Syrus.  They weren't exactly quiet about it.  She didn't really know if he had thought about them getting together before either.  But he had some more important things he had to think about now before she even entertained this little notion.

"I got feelins' for ya, Capt'n.  It took your admission for me to truly look at that fact.  Plus your gettin' shot moved thin's along.  That I could've lost ya put me in a bit of a panic," she admitted.  Now she figured that he had some things he had to think about before she even entertained moving forward.  "But ya got to really think about how ya feel about what I do for a livin' before we move ahead.  I mean, really think about it.  I'm a killer.  I am good at it and I got pride in my accuracy.  Pure and simple.  I've lost count on how many people I put in the ground in the years since I struck out on my own.  The Capt'n I was involved with told me that he thought I enjoyed my job a little too much after a job where 4 men lost their lives.  This job we just did?  It was a record for me.  Probably a good two dozen were put down, but I don't feel bad about it.  I don't feel remorse about killin' those tryin' to cut down my crew."

She wondered for a moment if she was truly remorseless about it all or if it was just a coping mechanism, but she didn't want to entertain that little notion just in case it was.

" 'Ave ya really thought about that?  Could ya really 'ave feelin's..." she started before restating her question based on what he had said earlier.  "Could ya love a stone cold killer like me?  And could ya love someone who looks like she's a teenager?  Ya probably couldn't even hold hands with me in public places without folks lookin' at ya like ya are some kind of lecherous hump for carryin' on with a mere child."

She ducked her head down, looking at the floor so she didn't have to watch as those things dawned on him.

"Could ya still love me, Capt'n?"

[Ian Dugan]

He listened to her as she talked

"I won't deny it, I've wondered more than a few times what it would be like if we took the sleepin' arrangement a little further.  I am not used to emotional entanglements.  It didn't work for me when it came to ship board relations.  Don't worry, I ain't a prude or some overly celibate kind of girl.  A roll in the hay every now and again is welcome as long as no one got emotional about it.  That's how it was with Syrus while we were on Glory. ... But I think we crossed that emotional line a long time ago.  We sleep together.  In the beginnin', it was out of necessity.  Now it is by choice.  And realistically, we've slept together before with not a lot of clothin' on.  Those are the times when I let my little fantasies wander around my noggin' for any extended amount of time.  You're quite pleasin' to the eyes, Capt'n."

Ian smiled and chuckled at that little revelation but did not interrupt except with a small

"Thank you, you are too."

"I got feelins' for ya, Capt'n.  It took your admission for me to truly look at that fact.  Plus your gettin' shot moved thin's along.  That I could've lost ya put me in a bit of a panic. ... But ya got to really think about how ya feel about what I do for a livin' before we move ahead.  I mean, really think about it.  I'm a killer.  I am good at it and I got pride in my accuracy.  Pure and simple.  I've lost count on how many people I put in the ground in the years since I struck out on my own.  The Capt'n I was involved with told me that he thought I enjoyed my job a little too much after a job where 4 men lost their lives.  This job we just did?  It was a record for me.  Probably a good two dozen were put down, but I don't feel bad about it.  I don't feel remorse about killin' those tryin' to cut down my crew."

In the short silence that followed Ian was about to speak but Abe went on before he could.  He let her continue

" 'Ave ya really thought about that?  Could ya really 'ave feelin's... ...Could ya love a stone cold killer like me?  And could ya love someone who looks like she's a teenager?  Ya probably couldn't even hold hands with me in public places without folks lookin' at ya like ya are some kind of lecherous hump for carryin' on with a mere child."

"I dont look that old..." he mumbled

Then Abe looked down and contined.

"Could ya still love me, Capt'n?"

Ian gingerly moved off the bed and sat beside her, leaning against her shoulder.

"For the record, I have prolly killed hundreds more than you ever have.  An anyone tries ta hurt my crew will either find themselves very hurt or very dead.  There are very few that I'd say a prayer for before their souls enter tarnation."

He paused and put an arm around her shoulders, taking care not to put too much pressure against his leg from hers.

"You remember when I hired you?  You remember for what position?  As I recall it was as a Gunhand.  The day you accepted the position you became family.  An all Family has worth."

He paused again

"So ... Could I love a stone cold killer?  Prolly not.  But I can love you.  I know what you are and what you do.  I am not some wet behind the ears Greenhorn out for his first roll in the hay."

He stopped talking and just sat with ther, enjoying the contact and taking comfort from it.

[Abenette Kelker]

Abe was nervous as she waited for him to answer her questions.  If he changed his mind because of the issues she stated, it was going to hurt.  A lot.  She had already opened her heart to him by admitting those things and the fact that she did have feelings for him, so this whole thing scared her.  Especially since it seemed so much deeper than any relationship she had ever had.

When she was done, her mind flipped back to something he had said while she was talking.

"Thank you, you are too."

He thought she was pleasing to the eyes as well?  Did she actually hear him right or was her brain playing tricks on her.  She filed the thought for a moment as he answered the questions that she felt so anxious about.

"For the record, I have prolly killed hundreds more than you ever have.  An anyone tries ta hurt my crew will either find themselves very hurt or very dead.  There are very few that I'd say a prayer for before their souls enter tarnation."

It was then she realized that he was next to her on the floor, his arm wrapping around her.  She knew it had to make his leg smart some, so she grimaced just a little in empathy.  She nodded in agreement to his statement, her chest feeling a little less heavy.

"You remember when I hired you?  You remember for what position?  As I recall it was as a Gunhand.  The day you accepted the position you became family.  An all Family has worth."

Of course it does, she thought.  Death is necessary sometimes.  Especially in the business we conduct.

"So ... Could I love a stone cold killer?  Prolly not.  But I can love you.  I know what you are and what you do.  I am not some wet behind the ears Greenhorn out for his first roll in the hay."

Then he just sat there with her, seemingly uncomfortable with his leg, but not saying anything.  But she was trying to process what he said.

"I know that a gunhand has worth, Capt'n.  My job is to protect an' even kill if needed.  It's just that some folk can get a little weird about that, especially if'n it is a woman.  Seems stupid at that, but it does.  Where I come from, women's job is to cook, clean and bear children or anything else her husband needs.  That ain't me.  I don't mind cookin' every once in a while.  I actually enjoy it, but I am no one's slave.  That is why I parted from that life."

She helped him up, getting back on the bed so he would be more comfortable before tucking herself back into the position they had been in with Ian's arm around her shoulders.

She hadn't mentioned the fact that he stated he had killed more than she had, but it needed addressed. 

"Ya' mighta' killed more than me, but ya' were in a war.  Killin' is a part of that.  Can't be avoided.  But me?" she said before pausing.  "This ain't no war, Capt'n. Ya' don't think there is somethin' wrong with what I do?  Of how I am?"

Then she smiled shyly and let her mind wander back to his first comment.

"An' ya' think I am pleasin' to the eye?  Really?"

No one had really ever said that to her.  Not even that hun dan of a captain she used to sail with.

Oh...  She hoped he was being honest with her, that he didn't care about what she was like.  Or her heart was going to break.

In a million pieces.

[Ian Dugan]

Ian grunted some as they shifted position back to the bed.  His leg was getting stiff.  He'd have to exercise it soon or start walking with a cane.

He let her words flow through him, center him.  He was armed with one of the biggest and most powerful weapons known to man.  The Truth.  It was like a two edged sword, it cut but ways.

He was really falling head over heels for her.

"Just because we aint at war doesn't mean there aint Soldiers that stand ready to answer the call.  That's the thing with all the Indie's ... the Browncoats that I killed or caused the death of.  They were all just normal people that not only had the capasity to do wonders with things, they all had the ability to kill.  And most were good at it"

He looked at her

"You're like that.  At least to me.  That's the way I see it."

He looked away, at the wall across from them but not at the wall.  Through it.  Back to the past.

"There was a man that did me wrong.  He tortured me and sent me to the Krane Mines.  Worse then Andersonville.  Tyler Lyndon was his name.  He was evil.  Years later, still believing in Second Chances, I brought him on board as crew.  We had a falling out and he took my engineer, kidnapped her, slit her throat and left her for dead.  She survived, so did he, after I was done with him."

He looked back to Abe.

"You may be a killer, but you're not evil.  Dont confuse the two"

He reached out his hand and placed a finger on her chin, lifting it.

"If I thought some'em was wrong with ya, I prolly wouldn't a hired ya."

Still looking at her, he continued, his crooked smile forming on his lips.

"An I absolutely think yer pleasin' to the eye."

[Abenette Kelker]

Ian related a story about how normal people had the capacity to kill if they had to, especially if they were soldiers and stood ready to answer the call.  She wasn't sure of exactly what he meant, but was he telling her that she only killed because she was being a good soldier and keeping the "troops" safe?

"You're like that.  At least to me.  That's the way I see it."

That's the way she thought he meant it.  That was good wasn't it?

But then he got a far away look on his face.  It was then he told her about a man named Tyler Lyndon.  Tyler Lyndon had tortured the Capt'n and sent him to a brutal mining colony.  He had such a capacity to forgive and to give second chances that he gave the guy a chance to be on his crew only to be betrayed.

"You may be a killer, but you're not evil.  Dont confuse the two"

She felt his hand lightly touch her chin and raise it and she complied readily, not really knowing that she hadn't really looked up much - or at all - since asking him if he could really love her.

"If I thought some'em was wrong with ya, I prolly wouldn't a hired ya."

"Mayhaps ya' just took pity of me 'cause I was injured," she said quietly.  She remembered the fact that she and Vroni had been chased by a mob and she had dislocated her shoulder badly enough that she had passed out on the way to the ship while on the way there.  Ian was the one to carry her on board.

He probably didn't hear her though and she wondered if that was a good thing or not.

"An I absolutely think yer pleasin' to the eye."

That got a genuine smile on her face.  Plus she blushed.  How embarrassing was that?  She felt a little like a teenager, but then again she looked like one sometimes.  She dipped her eyes again to avoid the rising color in her cheeks from being totally apparent.

"No one ever told me that I was... pretty..." she said.  She hoped that was really what he meant.  Else she was going to come off all manner of stupid.  After a bit, she raised her eyes a little to meet his.  Now that he gave his view on her job and seemed to be convinced that she wasn't one to be on the sociopath track, she didn't know what to do then.  She figured that they would have to figure it out together.  "So where does that leave us now?"

Then she paused for a moment.

"I'm not sure I can stop calling ya' 'Capt'n' though.  Least not right away.  But then again, maybe ya' like that."

She gave him an impish little grin then, along with an eyebrow waggle.  God, he was easy to be around.  She never seemed to worry about what she felt or said when she was with him.  She supposed that was a good sign.

[Ian Dugan]

He sat next to her, his arm around her shoulder, his good leg pressed against hers as he thought about what she said and what she asked.  He remembered a holo-vid that he had seen where the heros had a full day that was turned into a musical from some outside influence.  Their last song, before one of them left saying 'Bloody Hell, Enough of this.' and walking off as the rest sang ...'Where do we go from here...'

He smiled and looked back at her.

"I am falling in love with you, Abe."

He paused

"Where do we go from here?  We go day by day and see what happens.  I cant promise more than that.  But for now I can do this..."

He leaned in toward her and kissed her lips softly.

[Abenette Kelker]

btw - nice Buffy reference.  :D

Abe waited patiently for an answer to her question on where they should go from here.  Now that they had both admitted to having feelings for one another, what should they do now?  Would it be awkward?  A situation where they both would stand around not going any further from those confessions because they didn't want to rush things or something like that?  This part was almost worse than the first.

"I am falling in love with you, Abe."

He smiled at her when he said it.  She loved that smile.  She smiled back even though his words really hadn't answered the question.

"Where do we go from here?  We go day by day and see what happens.  I cant promise more than that.  But for now I can do this..."

Day by day?  Abe could do that.  Plus she couldn't promise anything more than that either.  Day by day would be a good start. 

Then her Capt'n leaned over and kissed her.  It was a soft one, but it didn't seem hesitant.  That was good.  She would've gotten worried if it was hesitant.

Matter of fact, it was quite nice.  Hell... It was more than nice.  It was their first real kiss seeing as the one in the infirmary was wrought with confusion.  A heat flared up inside her as she turned towards him and returned the kiss.  Her breathing kicked up a notch as her one hand then slid through his hair.

"Been 'while since someone's kissed me, Capt'n..." she told him as she parted from him by just an inch.  "It's nice bein' wanted."

She closed the distance back until they were lip locked again.  Her tongue sought his but she didn't push it by being too aggressive.  She was going to enjoy this.  That is if she managed not to go supernova right away.

[Ian Dugan]

Ian only smiled as the kissing grew deeper.

He moaned once, but it wasn't in pain.

Fade to Black