Episode 5: Between the Anvil and the Hammer

[HumanHyperbole]

Meanwhile aboard the lead vessel in the Blue Sun Convoy

"They're in, sir. They used a-"

"Fucking magnetic override, I know! Use ours! I want these god damn scallywags cut off!"

The pilot snorted involuntarily. Gunny glared at his helmsman.

"Scallywags, sir?"

His face turning redder by the minute, the Blue Sun security agent was ready to burst a blood vessel.

"Just engage our overrides! I'm not missing out on our bonus for capturing these.... ugh god damn pirates!!!"

The silent whir of the electromagnets activating gave way to metal-on-metal scraping as both magnetic override systems fought each other. The Blue Sun vessel's systems were newer and more powerful. With a painful creaking noise the cargo bay doors on the tail of the convoy slammed back closed. Detecting an impending loss of pressure, Revenge's own doors were re-sealed for the sake of not flushing the crew into space.

"Qù! Qù! Qù!"

The convoy started to accelerate and pull away slowly. The Hammer Highway was pulling them all in the same direction, but the corporate stooges could at least try to outpace them.

[William Breene]

Clang!

Breene was ducking down behind a storage container, trying to keep his head down when he heard the tell-tale sound clatter near him. Holger certainly did find the grenades. Willy's eyes went wide and he grabbed the loose explosive and quickly lobbed it further downrange.

"My first pirate raid is really off to a - "

CRREEEAAAKKKK - THUD!

The doors were now closed behind them, and Breene's mind started racing. This was going worse than the last family reunion, and before that night was over his mom had punched a cop and one of his brothers was hiding in the air ducts for reasons he can't really remember.

BOOM

At least one of the defenders was blown apart. Blood and gore could be seen splattering across the steel floors and walls nearby.

"Shitbiscuits with gravy..."

The Celtic Corsair dove over his cover, tackling one of the corpos, and putting him to sleep with a quick pistol whip to the forehead. As he grappled with another and fired twice into the opponent's torso he called out to his ally:

"Holger, I think we forgot something!"

Ducking back down behind cover, he'd neutralized one row of opponents, but they were far from in the clear yet. Glancing at the uniforms, they looked like office workers. What the hell were these guys doing, arming the accounting team? How was this all going ass-up so fast? The anxious raider was starting to feel like he might really shit his pants now.

[Holger Heyerdahl]

The door began to close and Holger instinctively tried to stop it, pulling his fingers free just short of losing them. He heard William Breene yell at him and Holger turned to see him handsomely handling some henchmen. What was it he said? They had forgotten something? What had they forgotten? Shitty gravy? No, that couldn't be it. Holger looked at the door. And then, he remembered.

Joakim explaining something to him earlier in the day. It was all very technical and had bored Holger, even though Joakim insisted it was very, very easy. Then Joaquin handed something to Holger and told him to put it in the thing to keep something and the whatever. Holger wasn't sure but he did have a feeling this was to what William Breene was referring.

"William Breene! I think I know what you mean." A shot ricocheted around Holger's head, which he dodged, and then fired his rifle at the offender. Holge reached into one pocket, and then another, and then yet another. "It is somewhere. I know I have it." Not that one. Nor that one. Where had he put it? He had a vision of leaving it on the sink in his bunk and then bumping it when he nearly tripped while changing into his combat pants. They were stretchy and had many pockets.

But Holger remembered catching it before it fell down the drain and into the septic system. Holger didn't know much about ship's systems, but he knew that the gray water was recycled somehow. But he doubted that a device would make it through the filters. No, then Holger tossed it in the air for good luck and missed catching it because William Breene had distracted him by saying it was almost time to party. The device had fallen to the ground and it had taken Holger a few minutes to find it on the grating of his floor. He stomped around in his boots for some time before catching sight of it. He had nearly stepped on it!

Then, for safe-keeping and for ease of access he had put it on a chain around his neck! Holger reached under his shirt and pulled out the chain, the device dangling from the end. "I found it!" He plugged it into the terminal by the door just as Joakim had laboriously shown him. "Jo-a-kim" He radioed. "I remembered to plug it in. I did not forget. Do you see it?"

[Joakim Soong]

Location: The Bridge

Jo was beginning to think he should have doubled up on the pain killers after all. He had the paradoxical urge to pinch himself, as if that negligible pang of pain would somehow distract him from the much greater pain throbbing in his shin. He tried to focus himself on the task at hand which, unfortunately, was just waiting for now. Jo hated waiting. Waiting didn't give him anything constructive to occupy his mind with. All he could do was hope for the best, although what he usually ended up doing instead was running through various worst case scenarios in his head.

It's not like Jo expected Holger to bungle the task he'd given him. He did have faith in Holger -- okay, he had faith in Holger's good intentions. He wished he had as much faith in him being able to follow them through, but truth be told, he wasn't completely convinced. It had taken him several tries to explain the seemingly very simple concept of plugging a data carrier into a terminal, and at the end of it he still wasn't one hundred percent sure the message had gone through.

It would've been easy to dismiss Holger as being too stupid to get it and just give up, but Jo tried to be patient with him. The look the giant got on his face when Jo went through the step-by-step instructions reminded Jo of how he'd felt when his ex had tried to explain her parents' dinner party etiquette to him. Jo had ended up skipping that party. Probably one of the reasons why he was single now.

"I remembered to plug it in. I did not forget. Do you see it?"

The technician sprang to life at the sound of Holger's voice -- wincing a little as his leg protested the sudden movement -- and leaned in towards his terminal. It took a moment for the connection to be formed... and there it was; he was now linked to the Blue Sun vessel's comms system. From here, he was free to worm his way through their firewall and hijack the signal, provided their opponents weren't on full alert for cyber attacks, and that was highly unlikely, considering they were currently under an actual, literal attack.

"Yes! Thank you!" he radioed back and then, as an after-thought, "I knew you could do it!"

Was that patronizing? No time to dwell on that. Jo finally had something to do.

[Ick Rosewater]

Meanwhile, Ick continued to brace the SF6 conduit while reciting away at the Shema. So far, the sulfur hexafluoride hadn't changed his voice bassward. He tentatively relieved the weight of the conduit from his shoulder. It seemed to be holding. He needed to check the unbraced conduit, but so far so good.

But then...

Ick's Hebrew came to an awkward, terrified stop as an animalistic groan filled the engine room. Somehow keeping his skin on after jumping so high, he frantically spun around, trying to get eyes on whatever the hell was coming for him. Had the feds boarded Revenge using genetically engineered mutants? Surely it wasn't Reavers. Whatever it was, Ick didn't see it.

But it was there. An even more animalistic roar that sounded attested to that fact. The roar was too much for Ick's nerves. Once his feet finally touched the floor, he used them to hide behind a bulkhead. Only then did he have the wherewithal to draw his roscoe. The weight of the revolver did little to comfort him. Whatever that thing was certainly wouldn't be intimidated by a pistol.

A low rumbling sound told Ick just how close the creature was getting to his hiding place. He was trapped. He pulled back the hammer and leveled his gun head-height, ready to plug the beast in the chest.

And come it did. The ship's cat picked this time of all times to come out and give Ick a proper welcome. The cat lithed around the bulkhead, looked up at Ick (who still held his pistol straight out trying to process exactly what he was seein) and let out a mighty "MMMROWW!"

Ick finally understood. Though his terrified shrieks and yelps confirmed that SF6 hadn't impacted his vocal chords, the cat's annoyed vocalizations clearly had. SF6 is much heavier than air. The cat was much closer to the floor. The other conduit had leaked. The gas just hadn't gotten high enough to impact Ick.

Ick politely put the cat on a higher surface before it started to asphyxiate.

"Thanks for the heads up, boss," said Ick, kicking on the ventilation and grabbing a spanner to fix the leak.

[Melody]

Location: Bridge

Mel grimaced and grunted to herself, knuckles white as she held the ship's yoke in place while the two ships ground together violently. So far, the Revenge wasn't screaming at her about anything she hadn't expected, and she sent a mental 'Thank You' to Ick down in the engine room. She'd have to remember to make it a verbal one later, if they pulled this off. 

RATATATATATATATATATATATATATA

BOOM

The sound of the engagement filtered through the comms on the bridge and the Captain couldn't help but feel a little bit concerned about their fire giant and the little idiot down there by themselves. She just needed to trust in them and their ability. There had yet to be any call for the doctor, and she could still hear the pair of them so they were doing just fine.

The Revenge rocked to the side slightly and her grip tightened as she felt the convoy begin to pull away from them.

"Oi! Fuck that!" she yelled at the room, reaching out with her right hand to push the accelerator forward a little more, trying to match pace with the other ship. She could feel the Revenge growing annoyed with her and quickly slapped her hand on the button to connect to the engine room.

"Ick, status report?" she asked, her tone clipped and clearly focused elsewhere. She could foresee the Revenge growing angrier if they had to keep pushing to keep up with the other ship. She needed things to go a little faster.

"Jo-a-kim. I remembered to plug it in. I did not forget. Do you see it?" Holger's voice came in through the speakers on the bridge.

"Yes! Thank you! I knew you could do it!" Jo answered. She would have smiled and been proud of the crew had she not been entirely focused on keeping the ships connected and in one piece.

"Izak, I need you to up the pressure on 'em," she grunted, glancing his way. "Don't blow any holes in 'em just yet but I wanna see if we can get 'em to slow down under threat of..." she trailed off and raised her brows, trusting him to understand. Maybe that would also keep their attention off Holger and Breene... and it would hopefully buy Jo some time to do things the more elegant/techy way.

[William Breene]

Before Breene could fully realize he was the one that got them in this mess, by using the magnetic override before Jo could try and hack the doors themselves, he realized the situation was getting worse yet again. He felt the slight shift in momentum as the convoy hit the gas. The gravity system compensated but spacers would feel it. Willy took his frustration out on one of the last of the conscripted office drones.

A quick shot to the knee-cap, then an easy grapple for their sub-machinegun. He elbowed ill-prepared corpo in the throat with his prosthetic arm, still free of its "skin-sleeve". He pistol-whipped them with his left-hand pistol creatively named "leftie" and then with his right-handed pistol "Thomas Mapother the Fourth", then once again from each.

"Why did you think this was a good idea??!!"

Breene finally stopped when he realized he'd jammed the slide on "Thomas Mapother IV"

"Tommy no!"

Other objectives fell away, and he began devoting his entire focus to clearing the jam on of his pistols. He pulled on the slide over and over, then tried whacking it with his robo-arm. All to no avail.

"Boil my pants and call it lunch! Fuck!"

Breeene threw the weapon on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum. His anxiety that he was fucking this all up, after already annoying the piss out of everybody during the last job, was increasing by the second. He could practically feel the ground coming out from under him. That might have just been the spaceship flying in a gravitational anomaly but the anxiety definitely didn't help.

"Can something go to plan for once in my fucking life?!?!"

The amateur pirate started punching the steel hull with his metal arm. Luckily it was only as strong as his normal arm and it didn't really do anything besides make several loud bangs in a row. The futility of it became apparent quickly and Willy finally stopped to take a breath.

"Holg, I'm beginning to think I'm not very good at this..."

[Ick Rosewater]

The cat's meow's returned to normal as the sulfur hexafluoride left it's system. The leak from the other conduit just took a quick repositioning and tightening, but he could feel Revenge protesting under the strain of keeping pace.

"Ick, status report?"

Ick was annoyed with himself that he didn't have an immediate answer. Sure, Revenge was whinging about what was going on. But some of the toughest ships he'd ever been on were notorious complainers. He just didn't know Revenge's limitations, yet. Only one real way to find out, though.

"Put the spurs to her, Cap'n! Full throttle!"

Ick would borrow power from other systems on the fly if needs be. Or at least he would try to.

[Holger Heyerdahl]

They were in a pickle. Gunfire peppered from beyond the corridor, shaking and sparking their car. They had gone in guns blazing when perhaps a different tact would have been appropriate. Holger saw the frustration on his friend's face. Knew that Breene was blaming himself for their predicament. It was an easy thing to do in such a situation. During the war Holger had seen many soldiers lose their nerve in the heat of battle. Perhaps even more so since, during heists and robberies, gunfights and brawls. The legacy of the war on those that fought was long lasting.

Holger grabbed Breene and, as bullets flew around them, held him by the shoulders and stared directly into his eyes. Holger knew this man. Though Breene had not served, Holger knew he had seen war. Had taken lives. Had risked his own, and cost friends theirs. "William Breene. We have got this." His bushy beard formed into a smile, which turned to laughter as he rushed their enemy, firing his rifle expertly as his blitz maneuver hopefully overwhelmed the remaining guards. With his specialized rifle, flowing hair and beard, confident grin, and panache for pain, if this were to be Holger Heyerdahl's last offensive, at least he cut a rather dashing figure.

[HumanHyperbole]

AWAY TEAM

Aboard their target vessel, the gunshots slowly petered out, as ineffective as ever. The only weapons firing were shooting from the previously open Cockpit doorway. The doors were now closed. Because inside the pilots who'd been attempting to repel their boarders had new priorities. Frantically, they tried to radio the lead vessel. There was no response. They were being left for dead. The doors opened, and two sets of hands came out from either side, raised in the air.

"We surrender!! Please don't eat us!!!"
----
Meanwhile aboard the Blue Sun Convoy's leading vessel...

"Gunny" Gilroy's plan was working so far. But Gunny was not one to let success slow him down. The Revenge was still giving chase. He wasn't going to take his foot off the proverbial gas.

"FASTER!"

The pilot's patience was wearing thin but she couldn't show it.

"Sir, I'm already red-lining the ship. The mechanic was in that mob of conscripts you threw at the pirates. If I push it any harder, we blow the engine and the pirates will still get us anyway."

The ship's proximity alarm chirped.

Rubbing his temples, Gunny glanced over at the radar. A Hyperion short range shuttle was ahead of them, and they were gaining fast. This was a treacherous route for them to be taking. They normally just hauled people between core worlds and their moons. They must be using the gravity anomaly to save fuel. Maybe slingshot themselves to another part of the verse? Who knows?

"Them."

He didn't scream this time. For once. It alarmed the pilot.

"The shuttle? Do what?"

"We're boarding them. We use the emergency access panel on her nose and board through the cockpit. I can write off one ship from this job, maybe two but we can't lose THIS one."

"So we're all expendable?"

"Don't be ridiculous! You're on my ship. You're FINE. Jesus! So calm down... and get me MY HUMAN SHIELD!"

------
Moments later on the previously mentioned vessel.

The D-tier Space-line named her: Excelsior

She was once the pride of her fleet. But it had been about thirty years since then and you'd swear nobody had vacuumed it since. The decor was like that of a 1970s airliner and fittingly, people were freely smoking, chasing their loud children, and engaging in all manner of bad long-haul flight behavior. One of the last rides you want to hop on, this was the one Sam Ripley found herself enduring.

How could it get any worse?

Sam's seat-neighbor then took his shoes off. No, he was not wearing socks. 

[Joakim Soong]

Location: Revenge, bridge

Although he'd established himself as one of the more no-nonsense individuals on board the Revenge, Jo was not completely without a taste for mayhem. Like anyone who spent a great deal of their time jacked into the Cortex, he did appreciate a good trolling every now and then -- not frivolously or indiscriminately, not when the target was some poor random soul and the attack motivated by sheer malice and boredom. No, when Jo did decide harness the power of technology to harass people, he was driven by a noble cause.

(And also some boredom.)

The virus Holger had helped carry into the Blue Sun vessel's comms system was a little different from Jo's usual fare, a side project he'd been working on during his downtime. Once executed, it would clog up the entire system with a series of disturbing advertisements for erectile dysfunction pills starring an army of grinning baby dolls marching to a jingle that was somehow obnoxiously upbeat and oddly somber at the same time. How that imagery was supposed to inspire the target audience to seek a cure for their performance issues instead of happily embracing celibacy was anyone's guess, but it made for an excellent weapon of psychological warfare. And, of course, on a more practical level, the crew of the vessel would be hard-pressed to get anything done as one by one every terminal was surrendered to their new infant overlords.

[Sam Ripley]

[ Excelsior: Row J, Seat No. 23 (Aisle) ]

Not even a gou cao de window seat on this miserable long-haul. If Sam Ripley wanted to see anything remotely better than the packed-in, snoring, chewing, mouth-breathing masses she was detained in one hell of a tin can with, she had to look over the three people sitting next to her. Although, it was remotely better than looking anywhere else. At least from here, she could see the stars, the endless black - or what was currently whipping by as the short-range shuttle hurtled towards it's destination in a ditch to make the cheapest flight in history as short and cost-effective as possible.

This was probably the absolute worst way to fly. Not because of the two kids that were knocking her elbow off the rest each time they went squealing passed while their mother was zonked out on probably the best sleep stim known to the Good Lord. Not because they'd run out of those little packets of complimentary peanuts almost one hour into the journey. And not even because the hun dan next to her had just removed his shoes, prompting Sam to turn her head slowly towards him with an indignant, scrunched look of 'really?'.

It was because she was at the back of the bus, so to speak, in a passenger seat with all the gorram ordinary folk that absolutely have no concept of consideration for anyone but their own selves - not flying. That in and of itself was a tragedy of the highest order. Sam could do nothing but sit there, fidget and be about three seconds away from going off at the latest person to make this place their personal living space. Whether anyone else liked it or not.

"I swear to God, man, if you don't put your ruttin' shoes back on--" It was around then, half-turned in her seat to chew this guy out, that Sam noticed something out the viewport to her left. Any stream of detailed threats got lost on the tip of her tongue when she spied the convoy being chased to hell by an Alliance ship.

"What the-- Looks like we get an in-flight movie after all, boys." Sam muttered under her breath, eyes glued to the action going on outside the window.

It was around then that a cargo transport came roaring up beside them - Blue Sun logo all Sam could see for the moments it took to start passing them by. A curse rolled out under her breath, leaning so far over into the other people's space in an attempt to see where it was going. No way was it just cutting passed them like that - no reason to be that close. What the hell was going on out there?

We may be gettin' off this ship a lot quicker than we planned - and in a lot more pieces. Hell of a day to travel, apparently.

[Izak Archer]

Location: Revenge, Bridge

Izak felt the Revenge slip back from the convoy and started swearing in about six different languages as Mel tried to get back in position. The freighter managed to push them off – or was trying to at least. He could have sworn he heard  door slam too. Not good at all. B

He overheard part of Mel and Jo's conversations. It sounded like they had a plan to salvage this raid yet, and with it beign their show, he decided to simple focus on doing his part. Ick must have been doing a damn good job down below as well. Still, some additional equipment to disable ships would be good for their next mission.

"Izak, I need you to up the pressure on 'em," she grunted, glancing his way. "Don't blow any holes in 'em just yet but I wanna see if we can get 'em to slow down under threat of..."

Izak put his hand up and stopped her. "No worries, we got one last trick with the tracking software."

His hands danced across the station in front of him. The active tracking software was almost a bit too easy to active for his liking, but it was the best he could do. The only step after this would be taking the safeties off and putting holes in the ships.

"Jo, could you put me through to their bridge decks please?"

[Melody]

Location: Revenge, Bridge

"Put the spurs to her, Cap'n! Full throttle!" came Ick's response. Mel grinned wildly. She'd never sent someone a gift basket before, but Ick was quickly making her want to change that. Her thoughts started to drift to what items one might put into such a thing; cheeses? A gun? Maybe he'd like a basket of tools?

The sound of an ED ad and unsettling music coming from the other ship yanked her attention back where it ought to have been and she shook her head at herself. Couldn't send gift baskets if they were poor, dead, or the ship fell apart. One thing at a time.

"We surrender!! Please don't eat us!!!" came the unfamiliar voice over the comms, the sound tinny and distant as the open line in the Revenge's cargo bay struggled to pick it up. Mel's brows shot up and she let out a surprised, yet please, grunt. Clearing her throat, Mel hesitantly reached up for the comms button, then paused when something out past the front view port caught her attention. She frowned.

The lead ship was taking off and leaving these two behind. Mel quirked her chin to the left, then sat up a little straighter in her seat. Not only was it zooming off away from the rest of the convoy, it looked like it was about to smash into or forcibly dock with a third party shuttle ahead of it. She hummed in thought, her hand still hovering near the comms.

"Jo, could you put me through to their bridge decks please?"

"Belay that," Mel told the crew on the bridge. "I think we've got somethin' interesting going on over there," she told them, jerking her chin toward the impending ship crash/docking. "Let's finish with this ship, and then see what we can do with that. I wager there might be somethin' shiny on board if they're so willing to cut these two ships off so easily. Plus, looks like they're about to tangle with a civvie ship. Seems kinda fascinatin' don't it?" she asked, eyeing Izak and then turning to glance back at Jo. "Thoughts?"

Finally, Mel's finger tapped the button for the ship's comm system.

"Doctor, head to the cargo bay on the double. Could be some new patients for you," she began, still staring at the lead ship as she spoke.

"Breene, Holger, start hauling whatever looks valuable to the airlock. We need another hand on board don't we?" Someone to stay in the cargo hold and help with hauling back the booty, she thought to herself. "Once you've got that, start hauling in anyone that looks like they might be needin' a Doctor to keep 'em breathing. Everyone else, just tie 'em up somewhere in their ship. We don't need hostages. Not that I reckon the other ship would care about 'em if we did take any," she rambled, cutting herself off from continuing to do so. "Might want to do this with a quickness, cuz it looks like we've got somethin' brewing ahead of us," she warned.

"Ick, once we detach from this ship, I'm gonna push the Revenge hard to catch up to the lead ship. You just keep an eye on that engine and tell me if I need to stop. Otherwise, I'm gonna 'put the spurs to her'," she told their mechanic. Her finger came off the intercom.

"Izak, hold onto that plan you had for that ship," she pointed out the front window. "This one's settled but I get the feeling that that one is going to need some convincing," she said, both to Jo and Izak.

[Ick Rosewater]

"Ick, once we detach from this ship, I'm gonna push the Revenge hard to catch up to the lead ship. You just keep an eye on that engine and tell me if I need to stop. Otherwise, I'm gonna 'put the spurs to her'," (Mel) told their mechanic. Her finger came off the intercom.

"Heard, Chef!" Ick squawked back in response. It was time to take out Old Reliable. Perhaps the most valuable tool in his collection, it had saved so many an engine, that...well...frankly, it was due for a fail.

Ick dug through his tool satchel. Why he didn't have it out and ready was beyond him. Probably because he didn't want to have to explain it if someone saw it. Luckily, the bright primary colors still shined through the grime. Ick saw a flash of yellow tubing and pulled the whole thing out.

It was a stethoscope. But not the type any old doctor carries. And certainly not the fancy schmancy instruments they use in Core hospitals. This one's chest-piece was in the shape of a cartoon heart, smiley-face and all. The headset and earpieces were a jolly sky-blue. It was, in fact, a toy from a children's playset. Ick bought it for way above market price off a hard-bargaining neighbor kid a few years back. Regular stethoscopes were too sensitive. Engines, after all, are many orders of magnitude louder than the human heart. The toy stethoscope did actually work. But just barely. It allowed him to hear nuances in the engine without melting his face off.

Perfect for I'll-hear-a-problem-before-I-see-a-problem moments like this.

Ick put on the stethoscope and listened to the deepest rumblings of the engine. He flicked the squawk box.

"Ready, Cap'n," Ick said. "The safe word is Fisher-Price."

[William Breene]

It was nice, being lost in the big man's arms, his face planted firmly into his firey red beard. It smelled terrible but that funky beard smell reminded him of his old man. Just swap out the accent and then it's just equal amounts of head trauma. But sweet moments of calm like this could only last a fleeting split second at times like this.

Taking a breath and finally and calming down, he could only watch as Holger ran off, firing wildly. That was, until just like that, white flags were suddenly up and, they'd accomplished their mission. Part of it.

"We surrender!! Please don't eat us!!!"

Eat them?

Willy's eyes went wide. They thought Reavers were attacking them. That's why they fought like mad and armed the cubicle farmers riding as passengers. He looked down at his exposed robotic arm, then ruffled his hair and charged after Holger, and fired off a couple of rounds into the ceiling as he charged toward them. The pirate screamed incoherently.

"Aaahhghghha buuhhhghhhhh grrrrrhhhhhh!!!!!"

Jutting his jaw forward, as if he had an awful underbite and crossing his eyes he continued the grunting and shouting, hoping Holger would match that energy and keep up the act until they got the pilots locked in the bathroom. Handling them rougher than he needed to, he had to sell to these folks he might start gnawing on them, ripping them apart, or something worse any second.

"HAGGHHHH GHRAAAA!!!!!"

Click!

The door latched and Breene let out a sigh of relief.

"Maybe I'm not terrible at this... Yeah. Shit...."

His confidence restored. It was time to check in with Mel.

"Tail vessel secured boss. They think we're reavers! If I'd known I would have just run in here bare assed and screaming. Do reavers fight naked? I think it would have helped sell it."

Glancing over at Holger he shot him a wink at the idea of them running in naked. He knew he'd enjoy the mental image. The man was an ass but the scallywag had been working on those glutes. Then he looked at the controls of the ship. He could hit the brakes and they could take what they've got... or he could give chase... It was no choice at all.

"Well, since my 'au naturel' berserker charge is out of the question for now..."

The "irishman" settled into the pilot's seat of their captured vessel. A genuine smile was back on his face. This was his first time capturing another vessel. It wasn't talk anymore. Not afraid of being on the nose at all, Willy hit the throttle and punctuated his plan of action:

"YAHHARRRR!!!"

[Holger Heyerdahl]

While he did not quite understand why William Breene was acting the way he was, Holger did like it. They were having fun. The remaining guards were stuffed into the lavatory and, just as they were being locked in, Holger grinned devilishly at them. "Yum yum." The door was shut and locked and Holger moved behind William Breene in the cockpit.

Holger was glad to see his friend's renewed strength of spirit. There had never been any doubt in his mind that they would see through the day and, not only that, but complete their mission. Yes, a handsome pay day was sorely needed and nothing assured victory like desperation.

And William Breene was yelling again. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Holger joined in, unsure of the reason but not really caring. "YAHHARRRR!!!" It was the pirate way, after all.

[Missy Etheridge]

"Doctor, head to the cargo bay on the double. Could be some new patients for you," the comms unit in the med bay barked at Missy.

"Wǒ yīdìng yào ma?" she asked it plaintively, before holding down the reply button with a quick and cheerful, "On my way, Captain!" and collecting her kit to hurry over to cargo.

"New patients," she huffed under her breath on the way. "Why are there new patients? What's wrong with the patients I already have?"

Shouts rang out as if in answer, too distorted by the echoes of the ship to tell if they were onboard or piped in through a comms somewhere, but still unmistakably belonging to the two crew members Missy had swiftly grown to think of as her Problem Children. "Aaahhghghha buuhhhghhhhh grrrrrhhhhhh!!!!! HAGGHHHH GHRAAAA!!!!! YAHHARRRR!!! YAHHARRRR!!!"

Missy stopped dead in the corridor just outside the cargo bay and pinched the bridge of her nose, wincing at the headache she couldn't actually feel yet but was sure would start any moment. "Apart from everything," she muttered aloud, braced herself, and went into the cargo bay to find out her fate.

[Joakim Soong]

Location: Revenge, Bridge

Having executed his primary role in the plan, Jo leaned back in his chair and allowed himself a small break before somebody inevitably made more demands on him. He cracked his neck a few times and, with an inhale, raised his shoulders up to his ears and relaxed them again, welcoming the fresh rush of blood to his head. That was all the rest he had time for before his input was needed again.

"I wager there might be somethin' shiny on board if they're so willing to cut these two ships off so easily. Plus, looks like they're about to tangle with a civvie ship. Seems kinda fascinatin' don't it? Thoughts?"

"Yeah... fascinating." His brow furrowed. Why would they engage with a civilian ship at a time like this? He had a bad feeling about whatever they were up to. Then again, he always had a bad feeling about what the Alliance was up to.

"Izak, hold onto that plan you had for that ship. This one's settled but I get the feeling that that one is going to need some convincing."

"The virus Holger plugged in works by flooding the ship's terminals with spam that makes it difficult to operate the ship's systems," Jo sat up in his chair. By now, he was so used to the pain that accompanied the shift that he didn't even flinch. The endorphins from knowing what horrors their enemies were currently facing probably helped as well.

"If the ship contacts the others in the convoy, the virus will also spread to them, and they'll have to choose between dealing with it and dealing with us." He turned to look at Izak. "But I should be able to patch you through. I hope you don't mind your message being accompanied by... advertisements."

[HumanHyperbole]

The Excelsior

After a couple of awkward minutes of scraping noises, drills, and metal-on-metal banging, the Blue Sun corpos were finally through the emergency hatch of the passenger vessel. Obviously annoyed, as they were intruding into his workspace, the Captain objected:

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doin' pal but-"

Before he could finish protesting, a flash-bang grenade clattered through the opening. Next was smoke. Two pops went off near simultaneously.

Three single shots rang out behind smoke and blinding light that followed. The shots were muffled by suppressors (aka silencers) but still audible. Six blue sun mercenaries fanned out from the fog and quickly began shouting at everyone. They'd shifted to crowd control, but a trickle of blood coming out the cabin door was a less-than-subtle warning to everyone about what might happen if they didn't immediately acquiesce.

"HEAD'S DOWN! YOUR CORTEX IS JAMMED. COMPLY AND YOU WILL NOT BE HARMED!"

The speakers crackled to life.

"This shuttle has been commandeered by private security forces in the best interest of Federal security. Do not attempt to contact anyone outside this ship. We are being persued by reavers. If you fail to comply, you will condemn EVERYONE on this ship to unspeak-

Before Gunny could finish his attempt to scare the passengers, he was interrupted.

"Look, you're only human. It can happen to anyone for a million reasons. But is there any reason not to talk to your doctor about Phallavex? For most men it can stimulate blood flow and even give you some of that youthful vigor again. Call today! Phallavex can cause skin irritation, bloody nasal discharge, minor hallucinations, weight loss and wandering pancreas syndrome. Do not use Phallavex if you are pregnant. If a loved one is pregnant make sure they do not handle Phallavex. If they do consult a doctor immediately. In some trials Phallavex users..."

The disclaimer went on for another good half-minute of speed-talking. Jo's spam attack was working, and it was contagious. All the Blue Sun vehicles, and now the Excelsior were now feverishly pitching sexual wellness products.

In case things weren't tense, or weird enough. The former tail-vessel in the convoy was now about to catch up. The door was on the side. If Sam looked over at this exact moment, she would have be lined up eye-to-eye with her supposed Reavers. A large ginger-bear of a man and a lightly bearded crook looked like they were having an absolute blast.

What on Earth were they trying to do? These crazy-looking pirates or handsome reavers were going to try and pull a 90 degree turn at full speed, and dock with the Excelsior's side doors.

BANG

The matching Blue Sun vessel bounced off and started to spin off uncontrollably, still moving forward at the same speed. Psychics, are a real pain in the ass sometimes. The supposed reavers, actual pirates, and definite morons were moments away from being ejected from the Hammer Highway.

The Revenge

Mel's radar screen was even more chaotic than before. Tracking all these ships, at these speeds, in a gravity tunnel was hard enough to keep track of, but then Breene had to try and get to the Spaceliner before her. A pilot of her skill would quickly notice the gradual slowdown of the forgotten step-child of the Blue Sun convoy. Once middle of the pack, Willy and Holger had passed it trying to catch up with Gunny in the lead vehicle. Amidst the com-channel spam, a new voice tried to break through the advertisement for Phallavex.

"Can ---- read?! We need ------ Reavers!! One vessel cap----- I repeat. We are un------"

The vessel was trying that move in a high-speed chase, where you just jam your breaks all of a sudden and let the cops whip past. Except in this case it's not the fuzz, but rather a ship full of pirates you think are Reavers, so you're ready to do literally anything to escape. Revenge had a new set of quandaries. Keep up the spam attack? Or try and contact the Blue Sun vessel to elicit a surrender when they pass? Or, try a hasty docking maneuver. What's the worst that can happen?


Breene and Holger's Blue Sun ship

Actually, let's not get into specifics. They're spinning uncontrollably. You can guess how this went for their stomachs.